How to avoid Extreme PMS Attacks

How to avoid Extreme PMS Attacks


Ok, so the title is a bit redundant, all PMS worth avoiding is extreme. Said qualifier is added to quickly induce an image of the last time you had to endure stress beyond what your childhood imagination could conjure up. PMS, to the average male, should feel as unreal as fake plastic boobies, but as nice as a punch to the face. The bible claims that periods happen because of Eve’s folly, but something must be wrong or God screwed up because men suffer as well. Women can’t help but project their shit cloud onto their guys in the oddest of ways. I knew a girl who was absolutely sure she was pregnant when here period came- how backward is that? Freaked the hell out of me since I didn’t know she was under the period’s spell when she told me, so I couldn’t have told her the logical inconsistency. Most importantly, as men we shouldn’t have to deal with the harshest of harsh, we got the Y chromosome and it should come with some perks, namely, a PMS free existence. Follow these steps and you will be closer to actually enjoying life… all month even.

Always know of an exit strategy; spend a day becoming more familiar with your house and hers. If you find yourself in a room with no exit, you may find yourself in situation later where you have a girlfriend overtaken by the grips of her vagina, and you know that she can’t handle the vagina alone so her vagina is going to grip you just as tight. With an exit you can escape the bad vaginas grasp. The best strategy is to build trap doors and add escape routes wherever possible. When her vag compels her to hurl an axe at your innocent face you can drop down through your door in the floor and end up (hopefully) in China.

Bake Midol into chocolate and leave it around the house in various hidden but readily available spots. Put the Midol laced chocolate in Zip Loc bags so the chocolate stays fresh for as long as possible. It might be necessary to keep all the chocolate in a cool compartment like your fridge, but make sure she can’t get to it until the period of her period. When you realize what she is going through give her some of the chocolate to cool her down while you place it around your house, and keep some in your pocket in case you find yourself in a place without any readily available medication. Having chocolate around your house at all times will save your ass. Many women find chocolate as an escape and claim it helps with a bad period. Lacing the Midol inside the chocolate gives you an added advantage; she is sure to feel better for longer, so you are sure to feel better for longer.

If PMS has scared you into the point of hiding out on Mars you might want to consider only dating women who have gone through menopause. They might be too old for your tastes, but this strategy is more economically sound since you can save your money instead of spending it on baking and construction supplies. Thus, leaving you money for all the beer and hookers you will need. Hey, at least your life won’t be in danger every twenty-eight days.